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Homebuying can be a long, emotional and frustrating experience, though the rewards are almost always worth it. Once you're in the homeowner's club, you'll appreciate this humorous article. Don't forget, Domania can help you find quality MLS Listings, REALTORS®, as well as reliable contractors.
The paper might list a property as, "Sunny Colonial -- needs cosmetics; hurry!" Ever wonder exactly what that house looks like? Is it a gem? A dump? What the listings describe vs. what you see when you get there can be very different.
Domania's "Broker-speak" Guide will help you weed out the duds, save some time, and have a good laugh.
Hurry -- the house has been sitting on the market for 97 days.
Cozy -- this one has less than 300 square feet.
Charming -- slightly bigger than cozy.
Good opportunity to buy in (pick a town name) -- this is the most heinous property in town, but you'll be in a good school district.
Garden view -- the condo is in a basement. If you look out the only window, you can see a foot of soil, a few inches of topsoil, and a tectonic plate or two.
Gleaming hardwood floors -- the current owner spent $300 to polyurethane the floors, but the foundation is crumbling.
Not a drive-by -- you'd better go inside to see the gleaming hardwood floors.
Priced to sell -- the last 5 digits of the price are 99,999.
Needs updates -- the appliances were bought before 1950, and include a 1948 Frigidaire refrigerator and an old Maytag hand-cranked wringer washer, circa 1930.
New roof -- the house needs new siding and major structural work.
Sunny -- the house needs a new roof.
Commuter's dream -- the train runs 3 feet behind your house, once an hour, and every 20 minutes during rush hour.
Near public transportation -- the train station is only 5 miles away, but the only road to it is a toll road, and there's a $20.00 a day charge for parking at the station.
Contractor's dream -- the house is 2 walls short of being a house.
Handyman's special -- same as a contractor's dream, but slightly less dreamy and slightly more special.
Needs cosmetics -- the roof has holes in it, the walls have been eaten away by termites, and the foundation is crumbling.
Awaiting decorator's touch -- see "needs cosmetics", and add 20 gallons of paint.
New construction -- every home in the cul de sac looks exactly alike.
Victorian -- see contractor's dream and handyman's special.
Colonial -- our drive-by at 45 mph confirmed that the place has 4 walls and a roof.
Rustic -- the house does not have plumbing or electricity.
Convenient -- the house is next-door to a shopping mall and across the street from a school, which means you will have to wait 20 minutes to pull out of your driveway in the morning.
We hope that, armed with the information above, you find the perfect, cozy, convenient, charming Victorian of your dreams.
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